Let’s See If We Can Get The Rest

Picture an evening drinking session a couple of months ago (2008), four or five top Bushies around a table.

“Hey, I’ve got an idea.”

“What is it?”

“Oh, you’re going to like this one.”

“So OK, what is it?”

“Let’s see if we can get the rest.”


“The rest. Let’s get the rest of it before we go.”

“Really? The rest? We already have about $4 trillion stashed. Why bother.”

“Because it would be cool. Then we can say we got it all. No one has done that before. We’ve still got a few months. What the heck, let’s give it a try.”

“Huh. How much is left?”

Calculator noises. … “I figure we could get another $700 billion if we do it right.”

“What? That’s all that’s left?”

“Yeah. We were pretty thorough.”

“Wow. That’s it? Pretty cool.”

“So OK. OK. I like it. Let’s go with this. What’s the cover story? What do we say?”

…Silence. Fingers drumming on the table.

“Hey, I have an idea. Let’s tell them we really, really screwed up the economy. They’ll buy that for sure. And we need $700 billion immediately to fix it.”

“Why do we need $700 billion to fix it?”

… “uh. No, never mind.”

… “How about … no, that won’t work.”

“Wait. Look, if we’re going to go for it, let’s do it right. We tell them that WE JUST DO! Tell them to just shut up and give it to us. We need $700 billion, and we need it in 48 hours, and no one is allowed to know what we’re going to do with it and no court can review it or anything. In fact, we could throw in something about it being “non-reviewable by any court or any agency.”

“Wow. That’s harsh. But you know, that might actually work. A lot of our guys love that kind of stuff.”

“Yeah, they’ll eat that up. The more we make them look like absolute woosies, the more they like to give us.”

“Hey, this is cooking. Heck I was wondering what I was going to do with myself until January. This will really put us in the history books for sure. … Wow. … The rest. All of it. We could actually get all of it. They’ll be writing about that for a thousand years. No one will ever top this.”