Stock Market

A couple of days ago I turned on CNBC to see what was happening on the stock market. About two minutes after I turned on the TV the market started dropping, and quickly dropped almost 100 points.
Today the market was down, recovered, and I turned on the TV to see what was going on. About a minute after I turned it on it started dropping again, wnd in five minutes was down about 50 points.
So here is my offer: $100,000.
For $100,000 I will give you private, advance warning before I turn on CNBC. Let me know.
But wait, there’s more!
For an additional $100,000 I will tell you when I am about to buy a stock. There is no greater assurance that a stock will immediately lose half of its value than my purchasing that stock.
But wait, there’s more!
If you place your order today, as a bonus gift I will also tell you when I am about to sell a stock! This is an extremely powerful tool! There is almost a 100% correlation between my selling a stock, and that stock recovering entirely to its yearly high, and continuing to rise to establish a new all-time high.
Hurry, this offer is only valid today.
BONUS OFFER — I turned OFF CNBC and the stock market went from -225 to +6 in ten minutes.
Update – I turned it back on to see WTF? and it started dropping immediately, and is now down over 150 points again. So there is no doubt that I am responsible for all of this. My price just went up to $200,000.
On a serious note – this is entirely about rumors that the Fed is going to bail out more of the “too big to fail” crowd. Do you really want to be in a stock market that is held up only by rumors of who the government is going to bail out next? That’s not a solid economic foundation for my investments.