The White House responded furiously when it was found that some of Bush’s long-sought military service records had been destroyed. These records would have verified beyond a shadow of a doubt that Bush had completed his military service satisfactorily.
“We will get to the bottom of this if we have to put the whole FBI on the case. Just who destroyed those records? This cannot be an accident — it had to have been someone who was trying to harm our President during this election year”, said Scott McClellan, in an unaccustomed burst of frankness. “While we all know that there never was a real problem, we were counting on those records to lay the issue to rest for good.”
In other news, O.J. reports that he’s still looking for the real killer.
“Associated Press Assistant General Counsel Dave Tomlin told me yesterday that AP reporters began trying to get the documents back in February, but hit roadblock after roadblock. Tomlin said the AP has been informed that the microfilm in question does indeed exist. Tomlin said that because paper records can vanish and be tampered with, the microfilm “would erase any questions”. (June 25, 2004)