People complain that we at STF don’t give the opposition a chance to be heard, so I’ve decided to offer equal time to “Al” (firstname.lastname@example.org), who diligently defends our President on The Washington Monthly comments board and elsewhere. The topic is the claim that the Republicans have been demanding that Bush and Cheney be questioned together because they’re worried that Bush will embarass himself if he doesn’t have a handler present.
I have deleted an unfortunate personal attack on Kevin Drum who, whatever he is, is a happily married man and in no sense a “fucking” liar.
“This can easily be dealt with, and I’m confident that the President will do so in his usual masterful fashion.
Get Bush’s toughest press critics together (yes, even the fearsome David Broder — Bush isn’t afraid of anyone.) Bring out the gum, pass it around so everyone knows that it’s really gum. Have him put the gum in his mouth in such a way that everyone can clearly see it. Then have [him] walk across the room and back without falling down, and the whole controversy is over and done with.
And for a clincher, he can confidently and unerringly reach around and grab his butt with both hands, looking all of those bastards straight in the eye. A lot of people are going to have egg on their faces.
And the whole story will disappear. Just like the fake Plame controversy, and the fake WMD conbtroversy, and the fake cocaine controversy, and the fake AWOL controversy, and the fake drug bill controversy, and the fake “jobless recovery” controversy, and the fake Harken controversy, and the fake Halliburton controversy, and the fake Florida election controversy, and all the other BS that the Democratic conspiracy theorists have dreamed up in order to cripple a lawfully elected President who is proudly supported by over two-thirds of the American voters.
People say that Cheney is worried about the results of the gum-chewing photo-op and wants to videotape it just in case, but that’s complete lying bullshit……”