Let’s wait for the adult Republicans, Santa Claus and the unicorns to save us

From the New York Times (cited here, there, and everywhere):


“Bruce Bartlett, a domestic policy adviser to Ronald Reagan and a treasury official for the first President Bush, told me recently that ”if Bush wins, there will be a civil war in the Republican Party starting on Nov. 3.” The nature of that conflict, as Bartlett sees it? Essentially, the same as the one raging across much of the world: a battle between modernists and fundamentalists, pragmatists and true believers, reason and religion.”



What a load of crap. Supposedly, these guys are going to wait until after Bush is elected, and then, when they have no bargaining chips left, are going to talk to Bush about a few things. And Bush, sitting there with the four-year blank check in his pocket, is going to listen to them.



I can tell you what this civil war is really going to look like:



A dozen of the most highly esteemed centrist Republicans will gather together and file into Bush’s office — big-time Senators and high officials from several different Republican administrations. The most eminent among them will begin his statement and put forth his grave concerns. After about two minutes George W. Bush will say something like “I don’t need to listen to this crap” and ask the Secret Service to escort the group out of the building. The eminent Republicans will jam the exit as they shuffle away. And Bush will call in a janitor to mop up twelve puddles of piss, and the civil war will be over.



The real adult Republicans, if there are any, will vote for Kerry. If Bush wins, he won’t have to listen to anybody, and he won’t. Bush’s second administration will be revolutionary, transformational, and brutal, and instead of saying that the world changed on 9/11, we’ll be saying that the world changed on January 20, 2005.



I suppose it’s really my fault. The reason so many Democrats have this pathetic need to find adult Republicans somewhere is that they would do anything rather than buddy up to the likes of me and my friends.



Damn! we must be badasses!



Probably I should be making it easier for those guys to finally turn into partisan Democrats and ditch their imaginary Republican friends, but it’s not like they’re paying attention or anything. I imagine that the whole bunch of them will figure out what actually happened about two years too late — the way they did with the Iraq War.