Famous asshole Karl Malone endorses Bush

The Bush campaign has scraped together 24 — count ’em — Olympic and professional athletes from five decades to endorse George W. Bush. Included on the list are Todd Walker, Janet Lynn Salomon, Dot Richardson, Natalie Golda, Adam Dunn, Chris Spielman, Josh Davis, and Daniel Beery, plus 16 other people who you’ve actually heard of. Altogether there are eight football players, seven Olympians, seven baseball players, a basketball player, and a golfer.

Here’s what Rove is having them say, and tell me if you think it makes any sense at all:

“We have given much thought to the values and characteristics that make a great athlete. Our lives have been spent trying to run farther, push further, and jump higher than the person beside us, or across the field of our chosen sport. With years of training and exhaustive competition beneath our belts, we have identified the values necessary to compete and win–values like personal strength, determination, a sense of fair play and faith.

The same qualities that make a great athlete make a great President….”

That’s not George W. Bush. Maybe they forgot what year it is or something.

I was saddened to see Ernie Banks and Bob Feller on the list, but a lot of the rest of them could have been predicted: Steve Largent, Roger Staubach, and Jack Nicklaus, for example, or the notorious asshole Karl Malone. Rove might have asked himself whether some of these guys actually are going to gain the Republicans more votes than they lose.

If that’s the best they can do, I think that we should just award the election to Kerry right now.

P.S. “Beneath our belts” sounds odd — shouldn’t it be “under our belts”? Perhaps the phrase “under our belts” sounds a little too close to the groin for these nice Republican folk.